I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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