Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
