I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
me + whiskey = a bad person
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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