Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize