Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
