I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
