What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
