I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
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