His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Boobs speak an international language.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
