Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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