remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
