I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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