How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Randomize
