I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Randomize
