my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
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