There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
