This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
