Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
