walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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