U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Question. A woman tells her guy she's on birth control. Stops taking it to have a kid to force the guy to be responsible and with her. What rights does that guy have
None he's f-d
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
