This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
