I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
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