After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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