His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
