Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
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