and you said cock pushups were impossible
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Randomize
