We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
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