The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Randomize
