Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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