dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
