she pinky promised me she was 18
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
