I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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