i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize