Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
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