Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
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