I cockslap morals
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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