you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
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