I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
