So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
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