oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Randomize
