Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
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