so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
