sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
