my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
