thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
