I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
