haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
