I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Randomize
