when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize