she looked like the bat from fern gully.
Just cropdusted the office
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize