chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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