Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
im calling her cock vulture from now on
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
And then the night went full on bisexual.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
