easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
