So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
