her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
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