She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
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