I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
