margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Randomize
