I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
