3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Randomize
