Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Randomize
