When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
