OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Randomize
