I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
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