he thought i was a dude.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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