I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
