last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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